Past

Title: Past
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Chlark friendship, maybe a smidge more
Spoilers/Timeline: Post-Wrath
Disclaimer: I own very little, certainly not these characters. Please don’t sue!
Author’s Note: Like most, the whole “kick Chloe while she’s down” dance is getting old for me. I needed to see a future through the haze these characters have been written into, since nothing in Wrath seemed to stick.

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"Time past and time future
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present."
Burnt Norton - T.S. Eliot
---

He always looks past her. Today is only a surprise for her noticing.

Then again, it’s not every day Chloe Sullivan leaves Metropolis. She tried, she really did. She worked hard to expose Lana without hurting Clark, and all it got her was a dressing down from the guy who’s supposed to be her best friend. It felt like she was 15 all over again in his eyes.

She’s better than that, and she’s tired of pretending otherwise.

She gave it a good effort, and is leaving Lois with the breadcrumbs to publish a story if Grant looks the other way. There are enough questionable activities to trigger her cousin’s unique brand of journalism.

There’s not much to pack. She and a couple of suiters meet the Queen Enterprises jet on the rain-slicked tarmac.

It’s liberating, sneaking out under dark of night to adventures unknown. A new life and a little intrigue is just what she needs right now.

She sits back in the leather seat, humming happily.

--

It’s rewarding work.

She makes a difference in the world, every day. She’s pulled every member of the team out of the fire at least once, and Bart and AC have a running bet on who can get her to agree to date them first.

The appreciation is almost jarring after going so long without it.

She and Dinah debate politics over wine when they both need a girls’ night out, and she hardly has to talk down to anyone who doesn’t use the word “Dude” every three seconds.

She’s in Turkey this week, and the team is in Malaysia. Ollie hates to keep all his eggs in one basket.

They’re in the middle of a mission when he makes the offhand comment she knew was coming eventually.

“So, a friend asked for a favor.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yep. Wants me to keep an eye out for a blonde reporter. You wouldn’t happen to know any of those, would you?”

“Nope, just us brunettes out here in the desert. I haven’t even seen a reporter in months. I’ll let you know if I see one, though.”

“You do that. And Watchtower?”

“Yeah, Arrow?”

“It’s great working with you.”

“You boys aren’t half bad yourselves. Stay safe out there.”

“Will do. Arrow out.”

She thought she might have some regrets after cutting him out of her new life, but she honestly didn’t understand how much of herself she sacrificed for him all those years until she was free. It’s unnerving.

A few weeks later, she hears a familiar voice in her earpiece.

“Green Arrow. I should have expected to see you here.”

She knows better than to try and prompt Ollie and the boys through this one. She just hopes that he didn’t hear their previous conversations. Her curiosity about what drew him to Motor City, USA isn’t worth giving up her newfound freedom.

“Nice to see you, too, Boy Scout. You ever going to join the good fight?”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” His tone is clipped.

“You know what I meant.”

“Actually? I think I’d like that.”

Just like that, he comes crashing back into her life.

Oliver is an angel. She spends the following week meeting with his best tech guys to outfit an interface that will deliver her instructions via a synthetic voice. A simple voice modulator won’t cut it when you’re dealing with super-hearing. He would recognize the cadence of her speech even if it did.

The first mission they try it out, he questions her code name. Bart brushes it off with the cover they agreed upon – that she’s really an AI housed at their headquarters in Star City. Clark pauses, and she’s pretty sure they’re all holding their breath until he points out that there are armed guards on the other side of the door they’re about to open.

It still sucks rocks, because the only one who can visit her any more is Bart, since he can actually lose the big, dumb alien on the team. After he saves Oliver from a chemical explosion in Dubai, she rethinks wishing he would just crawl back under a corn stalk.

Even so, she doesn’t have to be happy about the situation. He saves everyone else, but he has taken two lives from her now. It’s hard not to resent that.

Of course it’s Bart and AC who out her. As if she ever had a doubt.

They pretended to be grown-ups for a little more than a month, but it was only a matter of time until their bickering cascaded into a mission, especially when Bart is the only one allowed to visit her.

She can almost hear the gears turn as Clark asks, “Why would you want to date a…”

The horrifying silence speaks volumes, as does the wide berth everyone affords him. At least no one is dead yet.

As an added bonus, only half the stuff that was supposed to blow up does so, and she has to walk him through strategically detonating the remaining charges. His voice is tight and he uses a little more force than necessary, nearly causing the entire structure to collapse.

When the team returns to their temporary base camp all hell breaks loose. She knew he was seething, but she’s never heard him so angry before.

It’s ridiculous, considering how little he ever really noticed her.

“Where is she, Oliver.”

All she hears are gasps and sputters.

“Dude, put him down. He can’t talk like that.”

“I’ll put him down when somebody tells me where she is!”

Another crash. Things are getting out of hand. Chloe scrambles to bypass the synthetic voice system.

“You hid her from me. You took her from me!”

“Boy Scout, chill. She wasn’t kidnapped or anything.”

Almost…there! “Clark! Clark, stop!”

She hears a final thump and Oliver’s wheezy cough as he gulps for breath.

“Dude…”

“Clark, I’m fine. I asked them not to say anything.”

He takes a shaky breath. “Chl-Chloe?”

“Yeah, Clark. I’m here.”

“Where.” It’s not a question.

She sighs. “Madrid.”

In the span of a breath her door is kindling. Shame, really. She’d admired the intricate carvings on her way in.

This was inevitable, she supposes.

He’s standing before her, looking lost and hurt and relieved all in the same moment. She hates that she could never turn him away when he needed comfort, even as she steps forward to place a hand on his arm.

“You’re okay.” It comes out as a relieved sob, and he envelops her small frame in a hug. She pats his shoulder a moment before hugging him back awkwardly.

“I’m fine, you big oaf. Breathing would be nice.”

“Oh, God. I’m sorry.” He immediately pushes her to arms length, frantically checking her over.

“No, I…are you X-raying me?”

“Well you…”

“No..uh-uh. Uninvited, that definitely pushes the boundaries of polite company.”

His face hardens at the comment, and he backs away. He resembles a caged tiger as he paces the suite’s dining area.

“You left.”

“I did.”

“You didn’t tell anyone.”

“I didn’t.”

“I’ve…We’ve all been a mess. Lois has searched three states for you.”

“Let me guess, New York, California, and Florida, all on assignment for Grant?”

“Yes, but…we were worried something happened to you.”

“Contrary to popular belief, I do manage to take care of myself rather well.”

“With Lex’s research, how could we not think…”

“What, that Chloe Sullivan got herself into another mess? Well, as you can see I’m just fine. Run along home and tell everyone they can stop worrying.”

“Chlo, that’s not…you can’t just leave your life behind.”

“I’m not, Clark. I’m living it for the first time.”

He looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Don’t you see, Clark? I’m happy in this life. I make a difference, and the League appreciates the help. Besides, you really can’t beat four-star world travel on the company dime.”

“Chloe, you’ve always made a difference, and I appreciate your help, too. Come home with me. You belong at The Planet.”

“Wherever I am is home, Clark. I don’t think that place fits me any more. Between Lois and you, Kansas has the news and the hero angles pretty well covered.”

“No one can replace you. Didn’t you know that?”

“Of course I did, but there’s little demand for a third wheel and an ‘old school’ journalist in that city.”

“Third wheel?”

“Do you even remember our last conversation, Clark? I got to play the evil harpy constantly looking for an excuse to besmirch the angelic Miss Lang, while you got to play the patient father-figure. Forgive me if I’m not looking for a repeat performance.”

“I remember. I also know you never gave me a chance to apologize.”

“How many chances were you expecting, exactly?”

“Too many. I get that. But you can’t throw away seven years of friendship over one stupid fight.”

“I didn’t. I moved on with my life after spending three years sacrificing everything from my personal life to my career to keep your secret and being damned near invisible when you didn’t need something. Here’s a tip. Learn how to use Google. It’s a lot less sensitive and it’s not likely to go anywhere.”

He gapes. “Do you really think I never saw you?”

“Clark, we both know you never saw me. How many times did you visit when you didn’t need help researching something, or need to vent, or just need company?”

“I…”

“I’m not finished. And exactly how many times were you there for me? The last few months I was there, my life was crashing down around me. My dream job was in danger, I watched my boyfriend fall for a girl I had no hope of competing with, and I had to figure out what to do with my new and not-so-cool meteor power. Oh yeah, not to mention the fact that I DIED. And what was your reaction when I tried to talk about it? You rolled your fucking eyes at me like I was being dramatic.

“I dealt with your messes when all you wanted to do was mope in your barn over the girl YOU broke up with for reasons that defy all logic and was about as supportive as a friend can be when you proceeded to woo her back after she had married someone else. How hard would it have been to listen to me when I needed an ear?

“I’m safe. I’m making a real contribution to a good cause and having a blast doing it. I even brush and floss regularly. Go home, Clark. Tell Lana I said hi.”

She turns and runs a shaky hand over her face. She barely knows where she’s kept all that anger, but it was obviously still there after all this time. Maybe now she can really be free.

“Lana and I aren’t together. You were right.”

She doesn’t turn. “Of course I was right. I know what I saw.”

“She tried to kill Lex again.” He takes a deep breath. “Chloe, I know I’m the worst friend ever, and I am so sorry I was an ass when you tried to warn me. I should have known you were the only one I could really trust.”

“I’m not going back.”

“Fine, okay. If I need to stay with the League to be friends with you, I’ll stay.”

“I didn’t say we were friends again.”

“Chloe, please.”

“If you stay, you need to chill with the possessive crap. You don’t own me. You never did.”

“As if anyone could.” He muttered. “Please, Chlo. Give me another chance.”

“No, Clark. Things can never be the way they were. I’m sorry.”

“Then I’ll stay for the chance to make something new, different.”

“I don’t know if I can give you that chance.”

“You’ll see. I’m pretty patient.”

“And I’m determined to live my own life these days.”

“Good. It suits you.”

She doesn’t turn, but she can’t resist a little smile. Jerk.

--

August, and she’s back in Seattle. She loves the serenity of the bay at sunset.

The boys and Dinah meet her for lunch and a debriefing. It’s sunny enough to eat outside, but they recently learned how scary satellite surveillance can be, so they take the corner booth at a cafe down the street from her hotel.

Bart and AC sandwich her between them. No one knows exactly what went on between her and Clark in Madrid, but everyone has caught on to the distance that lingers between them. Speedy Gonzales and Guppy Love are adequate stand-ins for chivalrous defenders of her honor. She’s pretty sure they wouldn’t be so fond of their respective nicknames, but she loves them both for their attentiveness.

Clark, for his part, never seems to take his eyes off her when they’re together. She can almost feel the weight of his gaze as she diligently avoids eye contact across the booth.

Oliver has studiously ignored the incident. He addressed it once with Clark, in private, and has displayed nothing but trust for their newest team member since. She admires the strategy behind his support, and the others have fallen in step with his example.

They also all have concealed lead chambers that release kryptonite gas if their panic button is pressed. Queen Industries is nothing if not adept at managing risk.

It’s time to head back to the hotel, and they all hug their goodbyes, save she and Clark. Bart and AC whisper their standard inappropriate platitudes, and she brushes them off with a laugh before slipping out of the diner and heading down to the market.

Clark’s voice in her ear makes her jump. “You’re headed for store number one, aren’t you?”

“Well, I’m here. I have to see where the Great Caffeine Rush began. You still have a ways to go on that whole ‘don’t give a girl a heart-attack’ thing we’ve talked about, by the way.”

He smirks. “I’d think you’d be over that with Bart.”

“Yeah, well, somehow being goosed by a punk is less creepy than a whisper from nowhere. Especially when you’re trying hard not to be insane.”

“I’m sorry, Chlo.” He keeps walking with his hands in his pockets.

“Are you following me?”

“Nope, just stalking.”

“Wonderful. Could you do it a little farther over that way? You’re blocking daylight with your tallness.”

“Gee, thanks.” But he does give her a foot or two of space. They walk in silence for a few more blocks.

“Chloe?”

“Yeah, Clark?”

“What happened to us?”

“Honestly?”

“Nothing but, I hope.”

“I think I gave just a little too much. I don’t blame you for that. I chose to do it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You say that a lot, but I don’t blame you for my unhappiness back there. It wasn’t your fault I had my hang-ups and couldn’t let go in time not to get hurt. I’m just glad I finally did.”

“Did what?”

“Let go.”

“Really?”

“Well yeah. I’d really like to go through life without turning into a bitter old spinster.”

“So, you’re looking for a relationship?”

“Nothing quite so desperate. I just don’t intend to spend my life alone.”

Something in her expression makes him uneasy. He stops and studies her more carefully. “You’ve…met someone?”

She blushes and grins at the little warmth, before returning to her quest. “I might have.”

“How, with this life?”

“How else would I have a chance to meet a good, open-minded person who understands what it’s like to want to save the world?”

He squints at her, oddly breathless, and abruptly changes the subject.

“Have I mentioned I love your hair this way?”

She blushes a little. “Thanks. The length is taking some getting used to, and it’s freakish how different people treat brunettes, but it certainly makes it easier to blend in most places. The blonde was just a little too much of an attention-getter in Rio.”

“So, what does the new and improved Chloe Sullivan do when she isn’t working?”

She shoots him a curious smile, and holds the door open for him.

“Other than drinking too much coffee, that is.”

Once they have their old favorites, he follows her around the market. It’s a familiar brand of awkward, so she just meanders through the various vendors and spends a good 30 minutes watching the fish vendors.

They chat about this and that, skirting the big issues until she finally pins him with her calculating gaze. “Why did you always choose Lana, Clark?”

No one ever accused Chloe of abusing subtlety.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Fine. I guess…She was harmless, and she always seemed to need me. You know? Nothing like you. You’ve always been a little scary. You’re like this furious bundle of truth and justice. Even Lex was - is, I guess - scared of you. You never seemed to need anyone.”

“I could have used a friend.”

“I want to be that for you, Chlo.”

“See, now? I have friends. I have a whole crew that would die for me the same way I’d die for them, which, yeah, isn’t much different than we used to be. The difference is that these people care how I feel. I can call any one of them and talk about whatever’s on my mind and know that I’m not a distraction or an inconvenience. They actually care.”

“I’ve always cared, Chloe. I told you a long time ago that you mean more to me than you know.”

“You did, and you followed up on that by pining over Lana and ignoring me when you finally got what you wanted.”

She stops, and the patience in her eyes nearly undoes him. “That’s not friendship, Clark. That’s using someone, and I’m not going to let it happen again. We both deserve better than that.”

“Okay.”

--

They don’t have another real conversation for two months. When he does catch up with her again, he seems angry. For the life of her, she can’t figure out why.

“Are you done yet? You’re going to wear a hole in the floor, Boy Scout.”

He stops and glares. It’s a wonder she doesn’t turn to ash on the spot.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“AC or Bart, I could have handled. I wouldn’t like it, but I could have dealt. Wayne? Are you trying to get hurt?”

“I’ll have you know I can handle anything Bruce Wayne can dish out. Don’t you worry your pretty little head over me.”

“How am I not supposed to worry, Chlo? You hardly talk to me, but you’ll date the guy with the most questionable methods on the team? What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing is wrong with me. Bruce has a better track record than you do when it comes to me, so I think I’ll take the mysterious billionaire over the heartless farm boy any day.”

“Heartless? Hardly. I know I screwed up, but I’m here. I’ve been here fore the better part of a year waiting for you, and you still won’t even speak to me. I…I can’t take this any more. I can’t be this close to your life and not be in it.”

She’s tired. “Then go, Clark. I’ve been trying to tell you that from the start.”

“I guess I wasn’t listening very well.”

“You’ve never been very good at that, have you?”

“Not really.”

She stares at him expectantly. He looks decidedly uncomfortable.

“I’m going to start my training. I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

She nods and swallows the unexpected disappointment. This is exactly what she hoped for, isn’t it?

“Staying is killing me, and it seems like it’s making you unhappy too. I’m sorry for that.” He looks down and actually gulps. “I wish you nothing but happiness, and I’m sorry to drop this in your lap at the last minute, but I can’t leave it unsaid.”

Worry curls in her gut, and she steps closer, looking into his eyes. “What is it, Clark?”

He squints, as if trying to see her thoughts, and seems to come to a decision. Before she knows what’s happening, she’s swept into one of the most mind-blowing kisses of her life.

“I love you, Chloe Ann Sullivan. I think I always have. I know I always will.”

And in a rush of air, Clark Kent becomes a memory.

--

Thank goodness she’s well-practiced at getting over brooding heroes. After a few months, she recognizes the silent longing in Bruce, and sends him back to Rachel with a reminder that a woman can only take so much.

It’s an amicable breakup, and they still meet for coffee when he’s in town.

For her part, she’s allowed herself some roots in the years since she stopped having to hide from the most stubborn friend in history. On days she’s honest, she admits how much she misses the hiding.

Lois failed to take her sisterly advice and break things off with Grant. A few months after her breakup with Bruce, she receives a panicked call from Perry White begging her to return. Her cousin’s indiscretions put The Daily Planet’s reliability as a trusted news source in question.

She returns to her old pen name reluctantly, and with every intention of only staying long enough to put to rest the scandalous rumors. Before she realizes it, her cousin’s name has achieved the success she always dreamed about. She can’t turn her back on it, but she still does side work for the League.

She’s not sure where this life will lead, but she can’t regret the past that brought her to this space. She is Chloe Sullivan, intrepid reporter. On paper, she is Lois Lane, and some days, she is Watchtower.

She used up her first life longing for someone who never saw her. Her second was spent running from inevitable disappointment.

No one will take her third life from her.

She has an amazing set of friends, and two jobs that allow her to be a positive force in the world around her. What more could a girl want?

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End