"No"

Title: “No”
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Chlark, Clana (blech), but only because TPTB force-fed it to me
Spoilers/Timeline: Bizarro
Disclaimer: I own very little, certainly not these characters. Please don’t sue!
Author’s Note: So I think my favorite part of this episode was TW’s whispered “No” when the doctor came out to find Lois. When I put it on the shelf with the downplayed emotion around Lana’s return, I couldn’t help tinkering. I suppose it’s a character study more than anything.

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“That’s fantastic. You’ve been wanting this forever, you just…you must be on cloud 99.”

“I will be…as soon as I deal with this phantom."

I really did mean it. Even if saying it to her, closing that door for the millionth time, felt a little like kryptonite exposure, it was everything I ever wanted.

Of course, it’s four hours later and my world is turned on its ear. Lana’s dead, and Chloe is mysteriously unconscious, with doctors who have no idea what is wrong with her working furiously to save her life.

Pacing the halls of Smallville Medical Center, I run through the last 24 hours over and over, trying to figure out what I could have done differently. How does a guy lose the two women who mean the most to him in the world in less than a day?

And yeah, in my own head it’s easy to admit that I love them both.

I always loved Lana with equal parts affection and worship. She is…was…beautiful, and graceful, and smart in her own way. Loving her ached a little all the time, and it was the most incredible rush when we were together.

Loving Chloe just sneaks up on me from time to time. She’s my best friend in the world, knows all my dark places, and likes me just the same. I can be more myself around her than anyone because we’ve avoided a romantic relationship. Even so, I find myself wondering what it might be like to be more than friends.

She’s really blossomed since high school. You can tell this is the life she was meant for – in the midst of daring intrigue, whether as a reporter or a hero herself, she just glows.

As much as I adore Lana, I know that on a lot of levels, Chloe has her beat hands down. I only learned about Chloe’s childhood recently, but they both had a rough time growing up. They can both be kind, but while Lana is always waiting for the other shoe to drop, Chloe puts everything she’s got on the line, every time.

Jimmy is a lucky guy. And I? Am a bit of a chicken.

I never wanted either Chloe or Lana out of my life forever, so I brushed off Chloe’s advances because I knew that she was willing to keep things platonic. Lana doesn’t have any platonic male friends.

That leaves me here, pacing a hallway after being ditched by Lois and unable to get an update because I’m not family. I had to stop listening because the utter confusion of medical professionals scared the crap out of me.

And this is one of those times when my love for her surprises me. I know I have no right to be angry at Lois for leaving or at Jimmy for not being here, but I promised to be her personal bomb squad, and I was too busy with revenge to answer when she called me. I should have known better after the last time she called unexpectedly, and I have to put the anger somewhere.

I am jealous of Jimmy Olsen. That’s easier to say in my head, too.

I’m not just jealous of what he has, but of what he is. He’s normal, he knows a good thing when he sees it, and he doesn’t let anything stand in the way, especially not his own insecurities. He has things in common with Chloe, like a need to protect people with the truth.

He didn’t bring a rain of fire down on a tiny Kansas town and tear apart the lives of everyone he has ever cared for.

God, Chloe would kick my ass if she saw me moping like this. She says it’s her least favorite superpower.

I shouldn’t be surprised at the way things ended up. After all, I am the guy who ignored his best friend’s advice and thought telling the supposed love of his life that she didn’t matter to him was a good way to keep her safe.

That ended with said girl of my dreams running into the arms of a crazed sociopath bent on world domination, which I did nothing about until their wedding day. That same sociopath blew her up today.

Yeah, I'm an idiot.

Here comes the doctor. Oh God. Please don’t say it. Chloe has to be okay, because I never really told her what she means to me - I barely understood till now, and I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do without her smile and her smarts and her heart. She makes me human and just… “No.”

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End